She came to our coffee meeting with a slow pace and a gloomy face. It was not her style to put grey nail polish, and to wear a black shirt in the middle of a hot day. We were pretty anxious even by the way she pulled her chair and fell on it with a sigh.
“I’m not feeling well“, she murmured. What a surprise! Seems like our most memorable conversation comes when one of us in need for a shoulder to cry on, and -less dramatically- a listener to analyze the haunting voices inside our heads. We refrained from our usual caffeine dosage, and ordered 4 Vanilla Chai, hoping that this aromatic drink will help us in our delicate endeavour.
“I can’t feel pleasure anymore from the stuff that used to make me feel happy. I can’t conform to the roles that was assigned to me. I can’t give enough attention to daily chores.”
“If I go out I feel bad, if I don’t go out I feel bad. Thinking about work makes me feel bad, thinking about staying at home makes me feel bad. I’m in a ruthless loophole that doesn’t show any solution.”
“If I work, I will feel some faint achievement and self worth, but will have less time to care for my family. If I stay at home, I will care for my family, but will have a suppressed desire to be something and will pressure my offspring to do what I couldn’t have done in my youth.”
“Plus, with all the political garbage happening around us, I don’t feel secure about the future, mine, my family’s, or my country’s. And I really don’t know whether it’s better to stay and try to build it, or just leave and plant my roots somewhere else…”
We let her take the steam out of her concealed heart. She kept talking and talking, not with a complaining tone, or blaming anyone else for her black thoughts. Just like any woman in emotional distress, she just needed someone to listen.
“Well, first of all you know that this is just a phase and that it will pass, right?”
“Yes, I know. But does this makes it any better? This means that even after ignoring this emotional quagmire, I will get back to point zero and nothing would have changed!”
“Just putting that in mind is helpful. Knowing that bad thoughts are just dark clouds that will leave your horizon is a first step, cause otherwise, your mind will be too much focused on the negative that it won’t be able to try and find a way out.”
“Secondly, try for once treating yourself like you are treating us in times of need, with a calm soothing voice, and an optimistic opinion that everything will turn out to be alright.”
“I fear that this optimism has died with all the blows it took during the past few months. I tried and tried to find an alternative that might solve my issues. I looked for new fields of study, some just for mental stimulation and others for financial stability, and I schemed about how to balance my work / family needs, but at the end, everything just froze cause it is not its time yet.”
“This means that you just need time. Make your plans. Pray to God. And just enjoy this transitional period.”
“Easy said than done, ladies. Easy said than done.”