So what’s up?
I really don’t know what to say. I am in a semi-silent mode. I talk to people, I really do, but I can’t keep a long conversation anymore (at work, at home, with friends,,,). Maybe it’s a temporary thing (hopefully).

Actually I don’t feel quite well.
It has been a long time since I worked out, practiced any sport, except for a one hour cycling last Saturday. I need to move more, maybe this will help my body produce happiness substances.

I am worried. My father is sick, and it has been a very long time since one of my direct family was sick. I think the last time I went to the hospital for one of my family (parents or brothers) was 10 or 15 years ago! I am afraid. I also didn’t realize that I am afraid till yesterday, and till now I don’t think I fully realized it yet.

I miss my friends.
My best friend is in el sa7el, I really hope she would be here. I am not in the mood to talk over the phone with anyone, aslan I am not in the mood to talk with anyone. I just want to be with people who I care about, who truly care about me and with whom I really feel safe.
I really miss that.

When I think of the world, and all the problems in the middle east, I really feel sad. I don’t know whether the ignorance is a bliss or a curse. Either ways are very hard.
It’s also hard to hope for something so bad, and then you’d find that it’s not (and may never be) yours. That’s the start of hopelessness, and I am not a hopeless person. I used to be the one who would always look for the light even in the darkest tunnel, but I am tired. Or maybe I am not tired. Maybe I am on my way of being tired from all the hassle. I hope that this won’t be true, as I think that my life won’t be the same if I lost this.
I tried to write structured post, with clarified ideas and correct sentences, but I failed. I think that’s why I wrote my previous post with both english and arabic. I hope that this won’t be my normal way of writing, it is very seductive, just to write on the keyboard without re-reading and without considering who is going to read this, and if he/she is someone I know how would be their reactions, as I didn’t really discuss it with any of them yet…. mmmm … why? Is it because I tend to feel things before rationalizing them? or is it because I tend to ignore things that can be a source of sadness / pain / miscomfort? I don’t see myself as someone who is afraid from confrontatins, even though I heard this from someone before.

I am trying to get out of this phase, but maybe I should just get along with the wave till it reaches its shores. I don’t know what right now can called, but it is not a good moment that’s for sure.I hope that it’s part of the process of growing up and learning the beauties of life. Sometimes u have to eat some khyar mekhalel before buying a galaxy bar.


6 responses to “

  1. Let me begin with wishing your father that he will get well very soon,
    what you are passing through has one meaning : Loneliness try to find your set of friends with your set of words and your set of happy moments , if you can’t find them now live with a promise that finding them is easy and sometimes missing them is a big deal in finding out how good are they, The way I see it , You are not at Al Khyar Stage yet , You are in biting pickled little Carrot and holding the Galaxy bar in the other hand Stage, It is not so far away, All the best Nousha Always

  2. Sallamet uncle. ISA ye2oom belsallama soon. Meanwhile, its normal to be afraid or down, but there is plenty of light in this tunnel and soon midan el3attaba will appear in the horizon and we’ll reach downtown. Just hang in there. Can I interest you in a game of scrabble next weekend, get your mind off stuff??!!

  3. tell me about it!
    sort of what you’ve just mentioned is part of my own problem now adays too. as if we’ve lost connection with the other. its like we wish to retrieve ourselves to our own bubble and thats all.
    naa.. i think its just a phase and a normal phase in everyone’s life, unconditional to age.. but to boredom, loneliness, mm .. lack of trust may be… not necessarily trust for people but of the surroundings..
    gosh.. may be i am more talking about my problem… whatever..
    i wish your father speedy recovery and you best of luck 🙂

  4. Ahmed: Thanks for ur wishes. He’s better now elhamdlelah.
    The thing is I already have a great set of friends and happy moments.. it’s just there is something that can’t be clearly defined. I know it will pass 🙂 I just hope it would go quickly 🙂

    Sayed: Thanks

    Jessyz: Thank you dear

    juka: ya alf shoukran ya fandem. I am getting better elhamdlelah, but this doesn’t mean that we couldn’t ne-scrabble 🙂

    Blue: seems to be a new epidemic, or maybe the changing of the seasons?
    thanks for ur wishes

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